help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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