I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
