dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
