and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
