you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
