well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize