I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
