I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
