Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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