i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
