im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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