He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
