Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
