She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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