you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.