PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
