he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
