If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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