weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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