When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
