For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
