ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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