Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
