Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
