I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
