Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
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Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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