I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
