its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Boobs are out for the taking
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
