ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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