My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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