peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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