Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
