Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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