It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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