I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
