Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
