My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize