She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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