i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
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i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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