yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
