i will never coherently bang her
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
