omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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