I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
