dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
