After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
