I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
please come you make the beer taste better
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
