too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
