I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
