fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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