Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
