woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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