Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
