The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
