I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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