The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
