we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
