Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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